Going with your gut instincts

Some years ago I had arranged a photo sitting. Before I went my sister warned me not to let the photographer 'get my kit off'. I was quite taken aback by the suggestion, not only was this photographer in his fifties, he specialised in family photos and portraits. She may be used to the seedy media scene in London, but that sort of thing just doesn't happen in sleepy Lancashire.

How wrong was I, my session degenerated – in the most plausible manner- into me rolling round the floor, on top of a mirror, tastefully wrapped in a silken sheet, clutching a rose, gazing vacantly into the middle distance. All the While the photographer was persuading me that it was on purely artistic grounds (and to use up the rest of his film). I had a feeling that this wasn't right, but he was so nice about it, he made me feel like I was being unreasonable by not complying. I was quite relieved when it was all over and put the matter behind me when my portrait shots (and the silky sheeted pictures) were delivered. That was until I was walking my children to school and there, to the mortification of all, pride of place in the middle of the photographers window, was a giant blown up picture of yours truly in a glamour pose, wrapped only in the aforementioned sheet! How I wish I'd acted on my gut.

On a more serious note you should trust your gut. It has been reported by many victims of crime, especially rape victims that they had a 'gut feeling' that something was wrong, but they'd overridden the feeling rather than look foolish by running off. I now use my gut as first port of call when I'm negotiating and it rarely lets me down.

A "gut feeling" has become recognised as more than just a poetic turn of phrase, Scientists have discovered that the gut acts as the body's second brain, with its millions of nerve cells. This 'second brain' is made up of a knot of brain nerves in the digestive tract. It is thought to involve around 100 billion nerve cells - more than held in the spinal cord.

Researchers believe this second brain may save information on physical reactions to mental processes and give out signals to influence later decisions. Professor Wolfgang Prinz says "People often follow their gut reactions without even knowing why, its only later that they come up with the logical reason for acting the way they did. But we now believe that there is a lot more to gut feelings than was previously believed". He also thinks the stomach network may be the source for unconscious decisions which the main brain later claims as conscious decisions of its own.

American researchers even believe that liars could be caught out by the reaction of their stomachs to telling untruths. Polygraph tests rely mostly on monitoring heart activity, however the heart is unreliable because it's affected by not only by your brain, but by many other factors, such as hormones. "The gut has a mind of its own – literally. It has its own well-developed nervous system that acts independently of almost everything except your unconscious brain." says Pankaj Pasricha.

Many times I've heard executives say after a failed deal or negotiation – the timing 'didn't feel right', or I had a 'bad feeling' about that guy. If they'd stopped to listen to their guts to get to the route of their instincts, maybe jobs and fortunes could have been saved.

So next time you're at work and something 'doesn't feel right' , trust your gut and examine the situation carefully before you come to any decisions.

If you want to find out how we can help you hone your instincts and intuition, see our presentation skills training and confidence training pages for more information.

Friday 31st October 2008

Never Network in 5” heels

It’s always important to wear something that people can comment on, if for no other reason that to give people an excuse to speak to you when networking, the same is true of flirting too!

I had a fabulous new pair of shoes, of the standing rather than walking variety, and I thought I’d road test them at an event, after all I was being dropped at the door and not expected to do anything except shuffle around with a drink in hand. The heels are 5” tall and I clock in at 6’1” wearing them, so I feel awesome in them. It’s a particular sort of man that notices shoes, I generally find them to be more discerning and with budget to spend. I am particularly impressed with men who manage to notice when you have printed soles on your shoes, puzzlingly I haven’t figured out how they spot it yet. Unfortunately some of my shorter male acquaintances took exception to my new found Amazonian height and there was one obstacle I hadn’t banked on trying to conquer …. pebbles.

The venue was baking hot so we were ushered outside onto a pebbled area. Standing shoes are great on solid ground, but the minute you have to master grass or pebbles, it all starts to go horribly wrong. I couldn’t keep my balance as my massive heels sank into the pebbles and tipped me over backwards. To avoid being toppled to my back and to stop me flailing around like an upturned beetle, I had to abandon my drink in order to prop myself upright on the nearest available people. My lovely shoes became the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons. I had a similar wardrobe malfunction with a pair of spanx , whilst giving a talk at the local boys school, but that’s for another letter.

The moral of this tale is there is never an appropriate time to network in 5” heels, especially you men. If you want to adorn yourself with something eye catching , ensure it’s not something that is going to interfere with your drinking hand and that is on your upper body, making it easy to spot.

Tuesday 30th September 2008

Handshakes clinch the deal

It's official, researchers have officially announced that a good handshake will clinch an interview and positively influence an interviewer at an early stage. It's well documented that most people will have formed their first impression of you within 3-5 minutes of meeting you. Added to this the long and positive physiological effects of a good handshake you can positively influence the outcome of a meeting over someone with a poor handshake.

What makes a poor handshake?

Avoid the classic handshake sins;

A wet one; nobody likes exchanging bodily fluids with a relative stranger!
A limp one; limp hand shakes are viewed as signs of weakness and you will be considered a less able candidate
A bone crushing handshake; it's not big and it's not clever and it's particularly painful for the recipient of the offending handshake if they happen to be wearing rings.

Tips for the perfect handshake.

We've got heaps of great useful information that will make or break relationships on our body language courses, but for a quick fix aim to copy the intensity and length of the handshake that has been offered (provided of course it's not a terrible handshake).

Differences between male and female handshakes

I was at a networking event recently. I say networking, there were lots of lawyers and accountants huddling either with groups of people from their own firm, or that they already knew well. Hanging out with people you know well is not networking, it's loitering! Save it for coffee or lunch. It was quite a large event with over 280 guests invited. The men all adopted that familiar right hand in pocket nestled closely to the crown jewels to make themselves feel a bit more secure, whilst the ladies took the two handed glass hold, or glass and handbag in either hand. The net result was that the men had awful sweaty handshakes, but the ladies had a cool dry handshake. One of the wettest handshakes of the evening was from the sponsor of the event. I wonder how much that dented his first impression and how much harder he'll have to work for the business of the people he was trying to impress? We've got lots of hot ideas on how to make networking pay, get yourself onto our Demon Networking skills course to see how you could convert more contacts into hard business.

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